EmpoWord: A Student-Centered Anthology & Handbook for College Writers

Appendix A: Strategies and Concepts for Revision 457 Abstraction or generalities If the author hasn’t quite figured out what they want to say or has a too broad of a scope, they might discuss an issue very generally without committing to specific, engaging details. Digression An author might get off topic, accidentally or deliberately, creating extraneous, irrelevant, or unconnected language. Ornamentation or flowery language Similarly to Thesaurus Syndrome, often referred to as “purple prose,” an author might choose words that sound pretty or smart, but aren’t necessarily the right words for their ideas. Wordy sentences Even if the sentences an author creates are grammatically correct, they might be wordier than necessary. Of course, there’s a very fine line between detail and fluff. Avoiding fluff doesn’t mean always using the fewest words possible. Instead, you should occasionally ask yourself in the revision process, How is this part contributing to the whole? Is this somehow building toward a bigger purpose? If the answer is no, then you need to revise. The goal should not necessarily be “Don’t write fluff,” but rather “Learn to get rid of fluff in revision.” In light of our focus on process, you are allowed to write fluff in the drafting period, so long as you learn to “prune” during revisions. (I use the word “prune” as an analogy for caring for a plant: just as you must cut the dead leaves off for the plant’s health and growth, you will need to cut fluff so your writing can thrive.) Here are a few strategies: • Read out loud, • Ask yourself what a sentence is doing, rhetorically, • Combine like sentences, phrases, or ideas, • Use signposts, like topic-transition sentences (for yourself during revision and for your reader in the final draft), and • Be specific—stay cognizant of your scope (globally) and the detail of your writing (locally). To practice revising for fluff, workshop the following excerpt by yourself or with a partner. Your goal is not to cut back to the smallest number of words, but rather to