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December MR. UFTO ► The Right Stuffed Conservative columnist and Dick York look- alike Pat Buchanan jumps into the Republican presidential tussle. Buchanan, who worked for both Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan, lists his three personal heroes as Cardinal Spellman, Joe McCarthy and General Franco. ► Viva La France France wins the Davis Cup on Dec. 1 by defeat- | ing the United States. Pandemonium erupted | throughout the country as coach Yannick | Noah's team fronted by Guy Forget and Henri ! Leconte blasted past the favored Yanks, led by Pete Sampras. Skin Deep Thinking the second time a charm, the prudish editors of "The Big O" censor another Dave Barry column, this one concerning circumci­ sion. Just click your heels 3 times Following five years exile, Imelda Marcos returns to the Philippines on Dec. 17 to face charges of fraud and embezzlement. After a short time, Marcos announces she will run for president. Let's have a party On Dec. 3, Kenya's ruling party votes to abol­ ish the one-party state and allow political plu­ ralism. After 30 years in power. President Moi bows to increasingly heated opposition pres­ sure. ► Freaky Styley Highlighted by Mr. Lifto, the Jim Rose Circus and Freak Sideshow storms the Melody Ballroom Dec. 12. While the Human Siphon elicits awe-struck wonder, there is no compare to Mr. Lifto, who lifts several objects with his penis. Yes, his penis. Slaughterhouse TV Author Kurt Vonnegut Jr. in December com­ ments on the American coverage of the Gulf War in January. "It is television that has made us inhumane," Vonnegut said. 22