Portland State Magazine Fall 2012

Americans rate what makes for a successful marriage 1. FAITHFULNESS 2. HAPPY SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP 3. SHARED HOUSEHOLD CHORES THE STORY ofRati and Subas is one of Seccombe's favorites, because it challenges students' notions of arranged marriages. The couple's marriage was arranged in Nepal, but they are young, modern and live in the United States. Four years after marrying, they had no regrets. 'Tm so happy, even though my parents chose a husband for me," Rati recounts in an online video that accom– panies the book. "It just worked out as if we have known each other for o long. It's like a love marriage for me. He has all the characteristics that a nice husband should have." 10 PORTLAND STATE MAGAZINE FALL 2012 4. ADEQUATE INCOME 5. GOOD HOUSING 6. SHARED RELIGIOUS BELIEFS 7. SHARED TASTES AND INTERESTS 8. CHILDREN 9. AGREEMENT ON POLITICS Adapted from "As Mamagr and Parenthood Drift Apart," Pew Research Center. 2007 Seccombe speculates, "Students in the United States think, 'Wow, I would never have my parents involved in choosing my mate.' But you begin to see a whole different side of it. It actually makes some sen e, maybe not for you and me in our culture, but it does for them." Couples in arranged marriages can benefit from the strength and support of their families, says Seccombe. "The idea that we have of romantic love, that's a relatively new concept, and it's one that i n't practiced in a lot of the world," she says. Seccombe's research shows that mar– riage is changing across the country, but it's not dying, as some people assume. The divorce rate, although still high compared to other countries, has been falling steadily since 1980, after a spike to historical highs in the 1970s. More young people are delaying marriage until their late 20s, but they still value it. Most high school seniors say having a good marriage is important to a happy and fulfi lled life. Still, our grandparents' expectations for marriage were different, Seccombe says. Bill and Bernadine met in their teens. They got married in 1948 after a short courrship and had four children by the time many young people today are still just thinking about marriage. "Sure, we've had our disagreements. Who hasn't?" Bernadine says in the book. "Marriage isn't healthy unless you have a few scrapes. But we get along and like the same things." At ages 83 and 82, Bill and Bernadine are living proof that a good marriage promotes good health. ■ Suzanne Pardington, a staffmember in the ~ U Office ofUniversity Communica– tions, wrote "Saving a Black Family's Story" in the Spring 2012 Portland State Magazine.