PSU Magazine Spring 2002

Barbara Roberts shares her lessons on loss An intimate look at the last year of her husband's life. Former Oregon governor Barbara Roberts writes in her book, "The art of living and the art of dying are equally significant. Grieving is an intimate part of both." Never has this been better illus– trated than in the intimate portrait she paints in Death without Denial , Grief without Apology , New Sage Press, 2002 . The book, Roberts' first, is as much an instruction book as it is a first-person account of the last year of her husband's life. "I wanted to help people who were going through the process of dying or who are close to someone who is dying," she says. Frank Roberts, a former PSU peech profe sor, was a senator in the Oregon Legislature when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer in October 1992. Roberts recounts the last year they spent together, how deep her sense of loss was, and the gradual lessen- ing of her pain. It is an honest book without being maudlin or self-indulgent. It is unflinching and filled with love. Ironically it was Frank Roberts who introduced Ore– gon's death with dignity legisla– tion, not once, but three times, and saw it defeated every time. It still was not a law in October 1993 when he died, though, as his condition deteriorated, Frank wished it were, wrote Roberts. A ballot measure passed in 1994 as a result of a petition campaign and the Death with Dignity Act went into effect in November 1998. The law has always been controversial and is currently the object of federal scrutiny. For a book about loss, this one is amazingly positive. As Frank prepared to die, Barbara was in the early part of her term as the governor of Oregon. Together they decided he would die at home with the help of family, close friends, and hospice workers. Frank's diagnosis was a gift in dis– guise, giving the couple the opportu– nity to know that their days together were drawing to a close. They decided to forgo chemotherapy. Doctors esti– mated it would only add a month or so to Frank's life. It wasn't worth it, she says, either in loss of quality of life or in its intimations of false hope. Throughout Frank's final year, they :~eath H ithout Denial < {!}rie)' \X/ithout Apology <,l 1,)1 !OR AC: C DI \IH Di() B.ubara K. Robert struggled to open themselves up to the process of dying as best they could. "Denial is not your friend," she writes. "Truth offers you more freedom and broader options ... seize the opportunity to face closure on your terms." Despite the loving atmosphere they created during Frank's illness and the inevitability of his death, Roberts' sense of loss was almost unbearable. The lessons that she learned leading up to and following Frank's death are about healthy suffering and recaptur– ing the power of choice where that is possible. "I started out writing out of frustra– tion about how unsupportive our cul– ture is to those who grieve," she says. "I realized I could help people through my own experience. That was really the expertise I carried into the writing process." Frank died in the governor's mansion in October 1993 with family and friends gathered at his bed ide, and Barbara holding his hand. Roberts finished her term in 1995 and went to Boston to work in Harvard's Kennedy School of Government, where she started the book. Today she is associate director for the Executive Leadership Program in PSU's Mark 0 . Hatfield School of Government. "The book started out to be a magazine article," says Roberts, "but it became clear to me I had a lot more to say than that." She spent the next five years working on the manuscript, fin– ishing last summer. And so far, she says she's been gratified by the response. The book is selling well, she says. Publisher's Weekly has recommended it for library purchase, and she has lined up readings in Colorado and New Jersey-and the book's only been out since January. She says she is looking forward to her next project, and that she's already got a couple of ideas she's beginning to explore. While she hasn't decided pre– cisely which one she'll work on next, you can be pretty sure it won't follow on the heels of this one. "This time I think I'm ready for a happier subject," she says. -Merlin Douglass '9 5 SPRING 2002 PSU MAGAZINE 7