Epilogue In the Bone Marrow Transplant Unit, mortality is shoved in your face. You see bodies wrapped in sheets on their way to the morgue. You feel it in certain rooms where the patient is only marginally alive, where life is measured in days to minutes. Grief, etched on the faces of family members, gives a clear message: There is no escape from mortality here, not for anyone. People come here healthy—Jane’s leukemia was in remission —and leave on a cart to the morgue. You feel angry, but at what and at who? I am angry at Jane for dying, at the doctors for failing to save her, at her family for supporting her decision. I am angry at myself. Why didn’t I try to dissuade her? None of this anger is logical or even reasonable. It is the rage you feel against the unjust nature of life and the malicious ways of death. There is no justice in so much suffering and struggle ending in a horrific death. It is hard to live with this rage and frustration. That is why thousands of hospital nursing positions in this country remain vacant. You read about poor salaries, limited opportunity for advancement, and terrible hours, but important though these issues may be, they are only the surface. Look below and you will find anger. A fundamental paradox of medical knowledge is that it is both a blessing and a curse. This knowledge and its attendant technology saves and restores lives. It also prolongs suffering and distorts dying into something unnaturally brutal and cruel. A poem by e.e. cummings illuminates this difference. ?O baby i - - - wouldn't like T * Death if Death . were .. good: for when (instead of stopping to think) you begin to feel of it,.dying e < : 's miraculous - e - •: cause dying is perfectly natural,-perfectly putting it mildly lively (but Death is strictly scientific & artificial & evil and legal) we thank thee : \ 4... god " ; ; " 1 almighty for dying (forgive us, o life! the sin of Death No one chooses to die a painful, brutal death attached to machines as their body falls to pieces. The limits of our knowledge do not allow us to eliminate this horror, but you have to remember: we err in favor of life. What we are doing is acting on hope. Jane hoped her BMT would cure her leukemia. However grim, BMT’s potential of a cure outweighed waiting for the leukemia to carry out its death sentence. We take calculated risks and try to find ways to live with the consequences. Kerry Hansen is a writer and registered nurse currently working in the Twin Cities. Stuart Mead is a frequent contributor to the CSQ. Through Dec. 16th he is showing paintings with Dean Luckers’ sculpture at the Rifle Sport Gallery. Jezac is a typesetting/design firm in Minneapolis that has been with the Minneapolis edition of CSQ since its introduction in the Spring of 1988. A PLACE FOR WRITERS Minnesota is home to the Loft, one of the nation’s largest literary centers. The Loft is a place where writers gather to discuss their craft, present their art to an audience, and forge connections to the larger literary and publishing world. It is also a place where readers come to experience, first hand, the latest and best in contemporary writing. 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