her skin. He touched her shoulder. his forties and had seemed surprised “Sweetheart, I have to turn you that Leon was concerned about his so I can change you. Don’t be scared.” inability to perform. The doctor was He pulled the covers down to her feet. reticent when Leon tried to talk about The moon cast his shadow across her it. sleeping form. He looked at her Christina’s response had surspare, bird frame. When they had prised him. “ It’s okay,” she had said. waltzed together she had been like a “ During all these years of marriage feather blown across the surface of a sometimes what I wanted most was would lose their only child. husband.” “ I’m going to dance at my son’s She looked at him with disdain. wedding!” Christina said each mor“An old man like you? Shit! My husning after Teddy survived another band’s young and handsome!” night. “ Play Teddy’s waltz, Leon!” Unable to convince her of his Forty years later, he swayed and identity, he had finally complied with Christina shuffled her swollen feet her wishes. In the following weeks he while he bowed his violin. No matter considered returning to their bed, but how confused Christina became, she she continued to be noisy and reststill responded when he played his less at night. He remained in the exviolin. He played the child’s waltz tra bedroom and roused himself tonight stepping in rhythm around every few hours to check on her. the dining room table, watching her Now, he went into her bedroom eyes follow him until he came to her knowing the way without turning on wheelchair. Then, she reached out to the lights. As he entered her room he him, grabbed the corner on his was surprised at how bright it was, pocket, and pulled him side to side in then realized a full moon was shining tempo. through the large bay window. He In bed now, he was grateful for cast a long shadow which moved the evening. She had complimented ahead of him across the carpet. The him and they had danced Teddy’s shadow of his outstretched hand waltz. He looked at the clock and saw reached her before he touched her that four hours had passed since he warm, fragile hand with his own. had last checked her. Lately, she had “Christina. It’s time to go to the been more restless and this was a bathroom.” She didn’t respond. He lengthy period for her to be quiet. He stroked her hand gently. It was unusrolled onto his right side and rose ual for her to sleep so deeply; she alfrom the bed. ways woke at the slightest sound. He hoped she would not be frightened by him shaking her. He tried to let her A year ago he had started wake up on her own since the time sleeping in the extra bedshe had left scratches and bruises on room after being woken by his arms after he had roused her to her one night. “Get out of my change wet sheets. He reached under bed!” she told him in a voice that reher covers to touch the protective mained strong and authoritative in blue pad beneath her. Wet. Was it dementia. “You ought to be ashamed sweat? He pulled his hand out and of yourself, climbing in bed with a sniffed his fingers. No, it was urine. married woman!” Should he let her sleep a little longer “ I’m the one you’re married to !” before he turned her to put a dry pad he rem inded her. “ f ’ m y o u ’ re under her? Better not risk damaging still lake, touching lightly. She was just to be held and touched.” small, but solid and strong and responsive to his lead. Once, she whispered to him as they danced, onight, he lay next to her, one “ I’m making love to you in front of all hand touching her soft, white these people.” hair, the other arm thrown across her. “ Let me hold you H again. I don’t mind taking care of you. e looked at her now and Stay with me, Christina.” thought about how he had The moon shown on their wedwatched her mind slowly ding picture on the dresser. Christina seep away. She lay without sat in front of him and looked boldly T moving, not even her breath ruffleadt the camera, smiling extravagantly. her feathers. He ran his hand under She clutched his left hand with hers her chin and down her neck and felt and he remembered feeling the metal for her pulse. He couldn’t find it but of the rings push against each other. her heart was weak and he often had He stood behind her young and trouble finding the beat. Her skin was handsome. warm and he lifted a wisp of hair from Next to their wedding picture her face and tucked it behind her ear. was the portrait taken for their golden Then he leaned forward with his anniversary. Again, she sat in front of cheek brushing the tip of her nose him but she gazed at the camera with and waited patiently to feel her a flat expression and a straight breath move against his skin. He mouth. He stood behind her holding though he felt something but he her frail left hand gently. He leaned wasn’t sure. slightly over her chair as though he The smell of urine caught his could protect her fragile mind with attention. “You’re wet. Don’t be worhis presence. ried, I’ll change the bed.” He moved Leon looked from one picture to her right arm across her breast and the other searching for the years. pu tt ing one hand on her r igh t “ How did we get so old?” he asked shoulder and the other on her hip the photographs. His brother and his wife had recently celebrated their Leon lookedfrom one sixty-second anniversary. Fifty years was not enough. picture to the other There was a third picture of Teddy in his Marine uniform. Teddy, searchingfor the years who they nursed through scarlet fever died overseas with strangers rolled her onto her side. He quickly before he had a chance to marry. “ He folded the blue pad towards her hips was a brave man,” the telegram from and then, steadying her with one Korea said. He looked at his son’s hand, used a wet cloth and a dry cloth picture and thought, I never expected across her bottom. Then he placed a to outlive you both. Fathers and husfresh blue pad under her and rolled bands are supposed to go first. How her onto it. much longer for me? The county nurse had counseled He closed his eyes and cried, him to put Christina into a nursing rubbing his face against her shoulder home. He had refused, not daring to so the soft cotton gown would soak admit to either the nurse or himself up his tears. He lay with her, holding how tired he was. her close, feeling her warmth creep “ I promised to take care of her til away and when he opened his eyes death do us part. She would have again, the moonlight was gone from done the same for me.” So the nurse the room and the dawnlight had crept taught him how to take care of Chrisin. He rose on one elbow to look at tina’s skin and how to move her from her. bed to wheelchair. He was a consciShe was paler. He lifted her hand entious student and applied himself and looked at her small fingers. They to the lessons with the same attenwere slightly blue. tion he had applied to his work as an She’s gone. He looked for her engineer. Caring for Christina was pulse once more, found none and the most demanding work he’d ever touched her lips with his fingertips. done, but for many years he had left “My wife,” he whispered to her, “ I held her alone in the evening while he you once more and now you are at worked late; now he tried to make up peace.” for it. He rose from the bed and dialed He patted her hand. He moved to the paramedics. “ My wife died in her the other side of the bed, washed besleep last night. I just found her. She’s tween her legs, lifted her left hip, been sick a long time.” He gave his pulled out the wet pad and straightaddress and phone number and hung ened out the dry one. Then he lifted up. the covers up over her knees, lay He walked across the room to down next to her and pulled the the bay window and opened it. He covers up over both of them. He breathed in the fresh and gentle morturned on his side and looked at her ning air which carried a light scent of placid face. Her skin was pale, rose petals. Then he went into his almost translucent in the moonlight. room and came back with his violin. Her nose, always prominent, and her “We must have one more waltz tohigh cheekbones had become even gether.” He played Teddy’s waltz, not more pronounced in old age. It seems stepping in time to it this morning, that as we get older we become more but standing in place. He played it and more exposed, he thought. through twice before the doorbell “ Christina,” he whispered, “ I rang. He gazed at Christina once need a little more time with you. It’s more before he put his violin down been so long since I could lay next to and left the room. you and hold you.” He lay on his side with his hand holding her hand and closed his eyes. How long had it been Reva Rasmussen has been a registered since they had made love? Eleven nurse for 9 years, and works as a cliniyears? He had been seventy when he cian in Alzheimer’s Disease research. had started taking the pills to lower She is a contributing editor to Minnesota Nursing Accent and is pursuing an M.A. his blood pressure. He knew right in English with an Emphasis on Creative away when he couldn’t keep his erecand Professional Writing. tions that it was because of the pills but the doctor had said, “ Look, that’s Patricia Canelake is a Duluth artist and a frequent side effect with blood teacher. This year she received a McKnight Foundation Fellowship and pressure medications. You’re seventy was part of a show at MCAD. and you don’t want a stroke, do you?” His doctor was a young man in Kim Klein is a Twin Cities Art Director. Clinton St. Quarterly—Fall, 1989 11
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