would be a wrong number. The Throat Monster would pounce saying, “Someone is harassing me! I need a cigarette!” Or the phone wouldn’t ring. Nobody called. This also became the Throat Monster’s opportunity by turning it into a tragedy. He proceeded to list many other disappointments in my life and within the hour it would be that nobody had ever loved me or would ever love me, so what the hell? Why not smoke a cigarette? The Land Of The Living Suring the course of the flu I’d hardly eaten more than a cup of soup every twenty four hours. The day I stuck my big toe back in the world again, I felt as weak and holy as a saint coming off the desert of a two week fast. I was detoxified! And pleasantly surprised to find myself less angry at the world in general. My body felt joyous, exhilarated. My body felt like it had found a buried treasure. I remembered the anti-smoking ads I’d seen on television in the sixties of people jumping up and down and clicking their heels. That’s exactly how I felt. I glowed. People were looking at me differently. Smiling. That’s because I was smiling. My battery had a positive charge and my eyes were on “bright.” My flesh had risen from the dead and I could feel the air circulating through the pores of my skin which was breathing where once it had been a limp encasement for my thoughts and emotions. It was time to start writing again. I took out the script I’d been working on before I quit smoking. I put some paper in the typewriter on my desk. I sat down in front of it. And sat. And sat. About twenty minutes into the sitting I realized I was paralyzed. You could have held a cashier’s check for one million dollars in front of my nose and told me it was mine if I typed four coherent pages—but I would not have been able to do it. For two hours I sat staring at the blank page in my typewriter. I found I could not put any words on paper without smoking. I wanted to take a puff, lay the cigarette down in the ashtray, blow the smoke out of my mouth as I typed a paragraph, pick up the cigarette, take a puff. Without cigarettes writing wasn’t going to be fun anymore. So I fooled my brain. I brought a foot high stack of smoke books with me to the cafe every day and merely scanned them. I took simple notes on what I thought was interesting. I told my brain, “No harm here. See, we’re just plagiarizing! We’re not writing" My thinking process was learning how to walk all over again. I was teasing forth thought. It worked. Within several days my brain was taking those first few awkward steps alone; little spasmodic fragments of ideas that it had thought of all by itself. I was careful to pretend I hadn’t Cynthia Morgan and her nineteen year old daughter Sybil live in Santa Cruz, California. This story is excerpted with permission from If You Love Somebody Who Smokes—Confessions of a Nicotine Addict, ®1987 Cynthia Morgan. Available from City Miner Books, Box 176, Berkeley, CA 94701. $6.95 postpaid. noticed and continued copying modestly. The ideas for how to construct this book came out—one, two, three steps.. .fall down, get up.. .one, two, three. . . god I wish I could smoke a cigarette. Five weeks later the fits and starts had subsided and my brain was forming whole paragraphs, the fifteen minute span of attention had stretched to two hours during which I nursed my goblet of Borgia as if it were gold. This was not a cafe to me now but an office. I figured my monthly table rent at about one hundred and twenty dollars—two Borgias a day at one dollar and seventy-five cents each and two twenty-five cent tips. One hundred and twenty dollars a month for coffee! Next year I can write a book about quitting caffeine. When you want something very special, look for SUNSIGHT NEW AGE BOOKS & GIFTS Now serving your new age needs at 2 locations in the Minneapolis/St. Paul metro area. 612 W. Lake Street Minneapolis 823-1166 A Silkwrap is an exquisite, versatile accessory that feels and looks beautiful. Carefully made in the USA of the best silk jacquards, in solid colors and prints, Silkwraps are come in two sizes: 44" square and 54" oblong. Wear a Silkwrap with dresses, suits, coats, or as a jacket, belt, top or bag. Perfect for travel and treasured as a gift. $35-$70. Available at By Design, Riverplace Expect Something Different 165 Western Ave. No. St. Paul 228-1021 Fascinating... Artpaper is to be congratulated. Lucy Lipparci Creative both in spirit and approach, engaging, fun and exciting. Artpaper is all about our art and our culture. Subscribe to Minnesota's most widely read visual arts magazine. Also, Artpaper has the nation’s most comprehensive listings of regional, national and international grants and competitions for visual artists. Celebrate 10 years of Individual or Library just 1 year $18.00, 2 years $34.00 November 11 7:30p.m. Avalon Theater, Mpls. 119 North 4th Street, #303 Minneapolis, MN 55401 m Call 874-1540. 1624 Harmon Place 332-1617 An afterthought y o u ’d neverforget Luscious cakes and fortes, Gght (ate-dinncrfare, a n d a fidtespresso menu, beer and wine. Open untd 11pm Weekdip's 12am Friday & Saturday 850 GrandAvenue at Victoria Crossing 224-4983 HEY YOU! need cool stuff? T-SHIRTS, BOOKS, POSTERS... Northern Sun Merchandising 2916 E. Lake Street Mpls., MN 55406 729-2001 or Hoxious Wwd? -|O°/o OFF (with this ad on any retail order) Clinton St. Quarterly— Fall, 1988 39
RkJQdWJsaXNoZXIy NTc4NTAz