CLINTON ST. QUARTERLY u i iim ii iii iii iu i i i i i in n i i i i i i i i iM it i in u in i i i iH i i i iHH i i i i i i i i i The Lesbian Parenting Alliance originally began as a financial and emotional support group for lesbian women going through the ordeal of custody battles and now functions as a discussion and support group for lesbian mothers. How to raise children in a lesbian household is a primary concern of the group members, and other issues discussed are co-parenting; giving up children willingly (as opposed to having them taken away); dealing with ex-spouses and other men; raising male children; and coming out as lesbians to family and friends. The group meets regularly, but its membership is fairly flexible, with about 30 women and their children involved directly or through a related group called the Lesbian Mother’s Support Group. Paula Whittaker (not her real name), who started the support group, is concerned with providing a social setting where lesbian mothers can llUU II IlUUU IItllUH IIIIIIim illlllllllttU lllllllllllllllltltM II the children. “ CPS came out to investigate seven times as a result of Ed’s complaints,” says Sandy. “ The last few times they were here, they said they were just here for their records, to show that they had responded to all the complaints. They said they didn’t want to hassle us.” Joan and Sandy admitted that three incidents had taken place which they agreed were indiscreet, and they gave evidence that the indiscretion would not continue. However, says English, the fact that these incidents were brought up and given so much importance is that they occurred between a lesbian couple. “ I believe that if the couple had been heterosexual, these incidents wouldn’t have been treated with nearly the vitriol as they were in this case,” she says. “ These ‘incidents’ all occur regularly The Lesbian P; meet informally and plan activities together with their children. The support group is now setting up its summer calendar, with picnics, softball games, and visiting a petting zoo as some of the activities. Paula followed Joan Brown’s court case and felt that Judge Lenon made a fair decision in awarding her custody o f the younger children. “ 1 can see that Joan really cares about them, and they’re happy, rowdy children.” She spoke of the booth that the Lesbian Parenting Alliance sponsored at the Gay Pride Day Demonstration on June 21, which was decorated with the children’s drawings of their families. “ Joan’s children drew very happy, comfortable pictures,” says Paula. “One shows Joan and Sandy in their waterbed, one is a selfportrait, and one is a yard with playthings, all drawn in bright, cheerful colors.” Paula has custody of her two IIMM III IIU IU tlllllllim illllllllHn illU lUU IIIIItlllUU IIIIIIIHH IIIIII in normal, happy, sexually well- adjusted families. “ The courts aren’t known for their progressiveness in dealing with matters of sexuality,” continues English. “ It was only last year [in the Lee Marvin case] that they recognized a couple can live together without the benefit of marriage and still have some obligations to each other. It is my impression that Judge Lenon happens to believe that sexual play of any kind shouldn’t be engaged in in front of the children.” Joan also believes that Judge Lenon perceived her as ambivalent in her feelings towards Sandy and her children because of her answer to the question, “ If you had to choose between your lover and your children, which would you choose?” “ Your honor, that’s like asking me which I would prefer, to cut off my mting Alliance children, and feels very fortunate that she and her ex-husband were able to agree on such matters. “ I think one of the reasons custody cases are so bitter is that it is very hard for a man to accept his wife’s realization of her sexual preference for women,” she says. “ I’m sure men feel rejected or think they’re responsible, and this makes them react in a belligerent way. When I see what happens to other women who try to get custody of their children, I feel so lucky I’m blown away.” Paula said she knew before she married that she was a lesbian, but that she felt conditioned by society to get married. “ During the Fifties when I was becoming aware of my lesbianism, there was a tendency toward role-playing — the butch- fem business — that I didn’t identify with. I felt more identified with heterosexual women, and I got married fully expecting my marriage to last.” m iii iim in u i i i iu u i i i i i i iH i in i i i itm i i i i i i i i iM i i i i i i i i ituH i i i left arm or my right,” Joan replied. English had anticipated this question and prepared Joan to deal with it. It is nearly always asked of lesbian mothers and, says English, “ It is inevitably interpreted as showing that the mother won’t put her children before her lover. And it is a question rarely asked of heterosexual parents.” The statements of Judge Lenon’s are not unusual when placed in the context of other lesbian custody cases. Judges are often white, upper-middleclass men having little familiarity with alternative lifestyles in general, and moral prejudices against lesbians and gay men in particular. As one Massachusetts Supreme Court judge put it, finding against lesbian mother Bunny King, “ The environment . . . in which she proposes to raise the children, namely a lesbian household, creates an element of instability She believes that as society becomes more tolerant of homosexuality, more women will feel comfortable in expressing their lesbianism. “ I t’s not something you can squelch,” she says. “ For me, it S was reluctance to live a lifestyle | that no longer suited me.” The Lesbian Parenting Alliance was organized through the Lesbian Parenting Project, funded by a grant from the MacKenzie River Gathering. It is housed in the Community Law Project, which serves as a resource center for information on lesbian custody cases. They maintain background files on lesbian custody cases as a reference for other attorneys, as well as a community resource, and rent out a film on lesbian custody called, In the Best Interests o f the Children. The Community Law Project is also the Portland representative of the Seattle-based Lesbian Mother’s Defense Fund. m iim iHM im iumm i i iHmm i it i i itra i i i i i iu iM H 'i iuM i i i which would adversely affect the welfare of the children.” Judge Lenon said that Joan and Sandy’s relationship is inherently impermanent since Sandy’s last relationship had lasted two years, apparently believing that by age 21 she should have engaged in a long-term relationship. His opinion may be due to a societal prejudice which says that homosexuals cannot engage in stable, enduring relationships as heterosexuals can. Although many lesbian mothers have lost their cases solely on the basis of their sexual preference, it may also be only one of a number of factors the husband’s attorney uses to discredit the mother. Typically, Ed Brown’s attorney also brought up Joan’s housekeeping abilities. Joan admits that housekeeping isn’t her first priority, but felt that Judge Lenon was not sensitive to her situSUMMER WORKSHOP INSTEP STUDIOS 221 S E. 11th 235-2068 or 288-3072 Heidi Parisi — Artistic Director Aug. 11-15 Ballet Modern/Jazz Yoga Teenage Intro, to Dance Aug. 18-22 Modern Dance (Graham) Afro-Haitian Exercise Children’s Ballet Aug. 25-29 Modern Dance Ballet Aerobic Dance Tap Dance Workshops are designed for intensive study in a limited class. In order to reserve a place in class, send $10 non-refundable deposit applicable towards tuition. FEES: one class daily $18; two classes daily $35 (per workshop). 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