CLINTON ST. QUARTERLY God knowsmy wife’s nofanof the truck driving lite. Theonlything wrongwiththe energycrisisasfar asshe’sconcerned is that we canstill get diesel. hot on the trail of my first elusive Last Chapter. I finally got to it, and it was much like the line someone always comes up with when you’re unloading a 40- foot van full of small cartons. As the last carton goes onto the pallet, they say, “ There’s the one we were looking for. Why didn’t you bring that one in the first place?” I knew I had it made. Maybe not like Arthur Haley or Harold Robbins, but those monuments to crass commercial success were beneath my dignity. I preferred the modest acclaim and comfortable income of a Barth or a Gardner. But the Lord spoke to me in a rejection slip saying, Go and drive thee a truck. I was stubborn. 1drove when 1had to, loaded, unloaded or fixed the damn things when 1 couldn’t and needed the money, and wrote six more novels. With each came a plethora of rejection slips. So a couple of years ago I said to hell with it and went and drove a truck. I tell my stories to my co-driv- ers on sleeper runs and my greatest work of fiction is my log book. ABOUT DRUGS AND TRUCKING I’D LIKE to say a few words about drugs and trucking to those fellow drivers who think it’s hip to mix them. 1know a few who love to take a bowlful of hash or down a quick slash of whiskey before a stint behind the wheel; too damn many speed freaks who tell themselves they take it to keep awake; and one or two burn-outs who even brag of driving on acid. When you’re behind the wheel of a rig that outweighs most other vehicles by a factor of ten, you should be all there. Grass or booze (even a beer) cuts down efficiency and speed causes you to lose patience and take risks. Acid impairs the ability to think linearly for any extended period, even after the final jitters have faded. I quit taking acid months before 1 finished my first novel, and would probably have never finished it if I hadn’t. Ask Kesey if I’m right. My stint on a wrecker taught me what an eighteen-wheeler can do to a Honda Civic and a family of four. Anyone climbing into a truck cab with any kind of buzz on should be sentenced to drive a wrecker on a mountain pass'for a year or so. If that fails, they should become postmen. End of sermon. We scammeda littlemoneyand trekked aroundthe country,alwaysdriving. a*56Plymouth stationwagonthis time, withahuge plywoodboxthat lookedlikeadouble coffinstrapped to the roof. UNFORTUNATELY, long-haul drivers tend to be either single or divorced, so for a little over the past year I’ve been driving a honeywagon. It’s local, you’re home every night and after the first few weeks of peering into a septic tank your nose quits working altogether, though I never quite got used to digging four feet down through hard soil to find the lid. Lately however, apparently due to the recession, people have stopped shitting and I’m laid off with time to indulge my bad habit of spinning yarns on paper. Sooner or later, though, the apple growers in Wenatchee and the apple brokers in New York will settle their war, the phone will ring and I’ll climb back into a truck cab to take a load east. If I could come home every night it’d beat the hell out of honeywagons, but my wife’s upset at the thought of it already. So how’d I ever get to be a truck driver? I ended up driving for money so I could afford to write for nothing. ■ SE BOOKSTORES Armchair Bookstore We Buy Men's Magazines- Comics-Paperbacks-BooksCall first 236-0270 10am-9pm Sat 10pm-6pm 3205 SE Milwaukie Ave. Near Serendipity &Apache Casual, intimate, and family dining in the comfort of our bucket seats. Enjoy fine steaks, seafood, omelettes and sandwiches. Home-style cookin’ and lots of it at pre-gas-shortage prices. The Rolls Royce of Restaurants SELFDEFENSE COURSE Apache Books paperbacks New&Used Comics 1509 SE Grand 235-4590 HOLLAND’S BOOKS Used and Rare Books Bought and Sold Open Noon ’til 7:30 Mon-Sat 3522 SE Hawthorne Blvd 232-3596 This has got to be the classiest potata ever. United Front Bookstore Independent Marxist Center 2701 SE Belmont 233-9270 Mon-Fri 2-8 Sat 11-5 "Don't mourn for me - organize." Joe Hill 1401 S t . Division SERENDIPITY CORNER QUALITY REPAIRS AT COMPETITIVE RATES Janesa Kruse, Instructor NEWCLASS FORMING Saturdays l lam -1 2 :3 0 3922 N. Williams Ave. call 236-9064 or 287-4087 for reservations or just come to the first class 8 w e e k c lass b e g in s so on April 4-May 23 $25 .00 scholarships available other classes available upon request SAFE STREETS ALLIANCE 38 Illustration by Steve Sandstrom
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