JUICTG(W Vicious Rumor Department: We’ve all hears the stories going round about the staff at a certain state mental hospital having sexual relations with patients. So far no one is talking. Vic Atiyeh is having the matter looked into (you should pardon the expression). But the press so far seems unaware of the next big sexploitation scandal brewing. Seems a certain highly paid professional man, employed by a privately run but statefinanced vocational rehabilitation center is having it on with retarded women in his control. Oh yes, he does the dirty deed in a van. Not that there is anything new in all of this. We can remember back in the early ’60’s when two aides at the U or O Medical School psychiatric ward were in trouble for the same sort of thing. But that one went unpublicized. A Chink in Atiyeh’s Armor Department: Just because Vic appeared in a skit at the Dorchester Republican blast as Ayotollah Atiyeh doesn’t make him anti-Muslim. And just because one of the characters in the skit was called Kareem Abdul Johnson doesn’t mean the Republican leadership thinks Black people are funny in their search for their heritage. And just because one of the cast was called Chow Cow Dung doesn’t mean that Vic and the boys are willing to insult a potential trade partner worth millions to Oregon. Oh, no! The boys are just having fun. After all, as Vic would, we are sure, be the first to point out, Amos and Andy were fine folks. Remarkable Coincidence Department: Remember the Ice Storm this winter? Remember how glad you were when the power came on at last? Remember the self-congratulatory 12page PR piece Pacific Power and Light put out right after the storm? Remember how it kept emphasizing how a public power system could never have done the job as fast or as well? Well, now they want a 13.6% rate increase. I guess someone has to pay for the nice literature. Potential Disaster Of The Year Department: So far the Portland Public Schools have been able to downplay the rampant racism seen at school sports events. This school year has seen White attacks on Black kids on at least three occasions. Twice the mobs of angry Whites, both kids and adults, from Roosevelt High, have attacked predominantly Black groups of supporters and teams from other parts of the city. The victims were from Adams and Jeff. Now it turns out that the White rage is also causing trouble at the grade school level. A Laurelhurst-Irvington girls’ basketball game ended with the White Laurelhurst coach reportedly hitting a Black Irvington girl. When the schools reprimanded the coach (a teenager), some Laurelhurst parents were angry. They wanted both coaches punished equally despite the fact that the Irvington coach wasn’t even at the incident in question. Seems the folks at Laurelhurst have some funny ideas of justice and think that the schools favor Blacks. And if that doesn’t amuse you, think of the excitement all these bad vibes will generate when the kids of Laurelhurst attend middle school with the Irvington kids in sixth grade. Oh well, the school board has assured us that there is no racial problem to speak of in Portland. Still, it does seem that contact between various ethnic groups does reflect a certain, how shall we put it, fear born of ignorance. . . Piecing Together The News Department: While theOregonian and Journal have announced the resignation of Public Utilities Commissioner Charles Davis, they somehow have either ignored or downplayed what has to be a major factor in Charley’s leaving. Last November, voters passed Proposition #9 which is supposed to prevent utilities from charging rates based on plants still under construction or being planned for future use. Davis has allowed the electric companies to charge us rates based on cost figures that include the excluded facilities. In other words, Davis refused to enforce the law as passed by a vote of the people. “Sue,” has been his reply to critics. „ iizL x• X L r K- x xr x- . Q: Where are those firebrands of Q: What is the famous First N a t i o n a l ^ Stokely C a r m i c h a e i a n d h e a F d S° mU C h H R aP B r°W n ? J °h n B r°W n’ H a r P ab™t?q ’ ' A: The architect of that structure e r S R e r r y ’ Virginia. claimed that “ Portland now has A: Mr. Carmichael lives in a seaside something man made to rival Mt. home at Conakry, Guinea, where he Hood. heads a political movement called the All-African People’s Revolutionary Party. He attends all functions of Q: Has Donnie Osmond ever sinned? the U.S. embassy at their invitation Brigham, Ogden, Utah. inspite of the fact that the Internal A: Once in a rare moment of Revenue Service has tax liens out frustration he took a free drink out of against Stokely and his separated the pop machine—after a sleepless wife, the folk singer Miriam Makenight in purgatory Donnie returned ba. Rap has found Allah after his the next day and deposited his rumored castration during surgery quarter. after a shootout with NY Police while attempting to rob a bar. Now he runs a corner grocery store in Atlanta’s Q: The most outrageous story I’ve black West End section, and uses the ever heard is that after the Los monicker Jamil Abdullah al-Amin. Angeles Rams leave Los Angeles the city is planning gladiator clashes to Q: Is it true that Pacific Northwest help pay the Coliseum rent. Is there Bell’s Seattle office is known as the any truth to that? J. Ceasar, Rome, Scrooge of the Northwest? Why is New York. this? A: A vicious rumor only topped by A: Pacific Northwest Bell, last Xmas, the true story of an attempt by a put out ads urging kids to call Santa Michigan promoter to have live at the North Pole. The number they shark-man battles to the death in gave was long distance, clear across Detroit’s Cobo Hall. the country to New York. Q’s &A ’s Q: Which team will Bill Walton sign Q: Who kidnapped Jimmy Hoffa? F. for next year and for how much? K. Fitzsimmons, Grosse Point, Mich. Jabbar, Los Angeles, Calif. A: Contrary to speculation that it was A: It turns out that Bill’s recent eagle an inside job—Jimmy is actually sighting trip to the Philippines was hiding out in Breaker Breaker Land mostly to sign a contract with the where he is secretly shooting an NBC Manila Maulers for the *79-‘8O pilot that the network is hoping will season. While dollar amounts were return them to there throne as the #1 not disclosed, Bill was given his own station. island and a fresh juice plant. Q: How much is 7-UP spending for there new America’s Turning 7UP ad campaign. Dr. Pepper, White Rock, Q: Is it true that three people have Tenn. been murdered in theaters showing A: 7UP was recently purchased by “ The Warriors?" J. Ripper, New Philip Morris who plan to spend 40 London, Conn. million bucks in advertising to try A: Three killings have been linked to and make 7UP #1. Dallas Cowboy showings of “The Warriors” during running back Tony Dorsett and the first week of its release. An 18 Boston Red Sox slugger Jim Rice will year old was stabbed to death during get part of this wad to try and stress a rumble in the Esplanade Theatre in 7UP’s connection with an active life Oxnard, California. In Palm Springs, style. a 19-year-old Hells Angel was shot in the head at the snack bar of the drive-in where the film was playing. Q: Did recently deceased punker Sid And in Boston, a 16 year old was Vicious ever win any musical a- killed with a hunting knife by wards? assailants who had just seen the A: No but he was the winner of a poll movie. conducted by England’s New Musical Express as the World’s Most Wonderful Human Being. Q: Is it true that there is a memorial Q: How much did that party Yves coin of Millard Fillmore? Saint Laurant gave to peddle his A: Yes, a man in Kansas sold $100-an-ounce perfume cost and aluminum coins bearing Fillmore’s exactly what is in the perfume? likeness. All his deeds are listed on A: The party cost $250,000 and the back. according to Charles Vitaco of American Standards Testing Bureau, Inc. Opium consists of 71 per cent Q: How much did “ Look ethyl alcohol and water-standard Magazine’’ pay for the exclusive proportions for all perfumes; 10 to 15 photographs of Patricia H ears t’s percent clove oil extracts: some wedding? Is it true that Burns artificial jasmine and benzoin, a Brothers Security is catering the fixative plus vetever, myrrh, sandelaffair. Rosebud Kane—Zanidu, wood, benjamin, pepper, coriander Calif. and opopanax in tiny tiny amounts. A: Look paid $50,000 for the exBy the way there are rumors of at clusive rights and Security Logistics least 10% of the party cost going for Assistance are the caterers. coke and Columbian. Q: Can Rapists be cured medically? Q: What was the real reason for Gerald Ford’s trip to the Middle A: You bet! Just shoot them up with East? Horace Greely, Pike’s Peak, a hormone called anti-androgen. It Colorado. brings their sex drive down to A: To get to the other side. pre-puberty levels, the poor things. 17
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