ART BAR C H A U N C E Y S FULL BAR FRESH FOOD FINE ART S ICK OF BEING MADE THE FOOL? ta rg reen Bic\jc(e exchange ouane “Hawkeye” LaRue President. Future is NowEnterprises 114 1st AVE. SO. 622 -9569 (FORMERLY MICHAEL J’S) 8511 Roosevelt Way NE Seattle, Washington 98115 (206) 525-5416 New & Reconditioned Bicycles Complete Service Department Brazing, Painting and Sandblasting Frame Repairs & Framebuilding Supplies NOWYOUCANCHANGEALL THAT WITHOURHEW MORALFIBREKIT FROMFUTUREIS NOW. THEBAHAMAS 2 482 N.W. MARSHALL ST. Fresh flowers Lovely breakfast • Good books PORTLAND, OREGON • 9 7 2 i o l ANNE’S "GUEST* HOUSE Mexican Cuisine of the Yucatan EL CAFE HUNGRY? Afew months ago, in th is space, I told you about a rem arkab le opportun ity , you rs for the ask ing , to ea rn big money in you r spare tim e grow ing mold cu ltu res in you r own home. The response to tha t offer was so encouraging th a t I ’d like to tell you about ano ther oppoi^unity, one tha t w ill m ake you r silly mold business seem like ch ild ’s p lay or worse. Now, I know some of you hav en ’t ye t received you r Mold S ta r te r Kits. In fact, we’ve even received a few inqu iries, some from p re s tig iou s governm ent agencies, a sk ing us th ing s like, “What g ives? What the heck ’s up ? ” Let me assu re you th a t I am not a “crook” or even a “c r im in a l” as some self-styled in te llec tua ls have chosen to pu t it. We have s im p ly been so swamped th a t we h aven ’t been able to fill a ll you r orders as qu ick ly as we m igh t like. Our new offices in the Bahamas have requ ired pa in ting , considerable spack ling and fum igation. The chrome fu rn itu re came late. My Rollodex was stolen in tran s it . Now we may even be re tu rn in g to the United States! But these are not you r problems, th ey ’re mine. Suffice to say tha t you r order is on i ts way and should a rr iv e w ithin the next few days. E spec ia lly if you act on th is offer now! Savour our Authentic Sauces 9- 2:30 5:30- 10:00 7 Days a week S t re tc f jK f i i i j i f 5020 Roosevelt Way N.E. 522-9805 Walk across from the Seven Gables Fruit Leather The Simple Snack. I TRUST YOU DUANE. TO HECKWITH THOSE NAY SAYERS. WHAT HAVE YOUGOT? T ha t's the sp irit . Now lets get down to bus iness and face the facts. American influence is on the wane. R uss ian bombers now fly reg u la r ly over m a jo r American cities, spy ing in bathroom windows w ith American-made telescopes, zero ing in on our ch ild ren ’s cribs w ith h igh ly soph istica ted ra d a r th a t can pick up the sound of a ch ild 's little p ink ra t tle from 20,000 feet. And th a t 's ju s t the beginning. Look around you r own home. What do you see? Your family, ga thered around the radio lis ten ing to Gabriel Heater, excitedly pu lling S tra igh t Arrow Ingenu ity Cards out of boxes of Shredded Wheat? Guess again. Buddy. And where’s the little woman? Off somewhere “lea rn ing about herself" perhaps? And what about you? When was the la s t time you came home to the app lause and fawning adu lation you know you deserve? Little Sally and Edgar leap ing onto you r chest from th ir ty paces . . . Dolores g rabb ing a t you r co lla r and tea r fu l ly k is s in g you r cheeks, w h in ing about the children sp i ll in g the B isquick and how abso lu tely s tup id and w o rth less she feels un ti l you come home in the even ing? When was the la s t time you were able to pu t you r foot down and say “No” w ithou t someone in y o u r own fam i ly say in g “Why?” I’M STARTINGTO GETTHEPICTURE. DUANE. WHATSHOULD IDO? OK. H ere’s the scoop. Our governm en t won’t be able to make the world the kind of place we w an t it to be for weeks, maybe even months. In the meantime, you could lose a ll of you r muscle tone, become en tire ly effem inate and ineffective, unable to p a r t ic ip a te in a simp le golf game w ithout tu rn in g it into a goddam encoun ter group. You need guns. A jeep. M ilitary un iform s to w ea r around the house! SOUNDSGREAT! HOWDO I GET EM. DUANE? Th a t ’s where our MORAL FIBRE KIT comes in. I ’ll be frank. We can ’t supp ly the guns or the jeep. But we can help you w ith those m ili ta ry uniforms. ACTNOW and receive ABSOLUTELYFREE this extraordinary WAR SURPLUS THI LE Just like they used at Quadalcanall Clinton St. Quarterly Our MORAL FIBRE KIT p rov ides you w ith ev e ry th ing you need to — SEWSMART LOOKING BATTLE TOGS IH THEPRIVACYOF YOUROWNDEN ORRUMPUS ROOM! T ha t’s right! Each k it con ta ins over 20 p a tte rn s you can wham bam toge the r yourself. If you can cram a live h e r r in g on a stu rgeon hook you ’ve got ev e ry th ing it tak e s to cu t and hem these little m o thers into a new you. A new you tha t everyone w ill respec t (includ ing th a t damn Glen nex t door)! WHATABOUTTHE BOOTS? WHATABOUTTHE BOOTS? Can’t do an y th ing about the boots. Go to a su rp lu s sto re or som ething , I don’t know. YEAH. BUTYOUKINDOF SAID. . . I know w ha t I said. I don’t need a hum an tape reco rder follow ing me around. S it down and sew, you li tt le creep. E ithe r th a t or go whine to you r mama. I don’t have to whine to anybody. Send me your remarkable new MORAL FIBRE KIT so I can show everybody what the deal is. I'm tired of all this crap. I’ve had it up to here. NAME_______ ADDRESS________ SHIRT S IZE___ PANTS S IZE Enclosed is a check or money order for $412.13. Send your check and this form to FUTURE IS NOW'ENTERPRISES. The Bahamas, After the middle of January, send to FUTURE IS NOW ENTERPRISES. Suite 315, Washington, DC. Not associated with Wan-Del Manufacturing, Tucson, Arizona •S co 5 CQ E 17
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