because, for example, in Washington State, if the child is 12 or older, she must file the charges herself. Even if the victim does not choose to prosecute or the statute of limitations has run out on the offense, it is still essential to protect other children who may be exposed to the offender. It may take a direct confrontation with the abuser or could mean letting other family members know about the potential. information about incest, sexual abuse, and told what resources are available. Myths surrounding abuse are dealt with. Karen Bosley, Executive Director of Rape Relief, explains what they’re doing with the children. “We talk and play games about good touch, confusing touch and bad touch. What if somebody touches you in a way you don’t like; what can you do? Who should you tell? What if they don’t believe you?” Bosley thinks that “These women have been holding a secretfor a long time — so long that it becomes internalized oppression. No one has let them be children. 619 Broadway E. 329-8044 KOOL KLOTHES! RETRO TO MODERN! DREAMLAND 3rd AVE 7905 3rd Avenue 343-0101 OUR NEWEST SHOP; NOW DOWNTOWN GETS A TASTE OF KOOL SKYKING In the public market, across post alley from the pike place cinema 624-6137 SEATTLES ONLY VINTAGE THRIFT SHOP! .GREAT BARGAINS IF YOU CAN FIND IT! From Victim to Survivor “It’s hard for me to have a relationship. I have lots of boy friends but when it comes to getting serious with them, I’m real scared.” Nicole, 16 >-/or many women victims, the ef- fects of being sexually abused are far-reaching. Cathryne Schmitz, a social worker with the Sexual Assault Center at Harborview Hospital in Seattle, says, “Trust is an ongoing issue when you’ve been molested by someone close to you. You have problems with touch, sometimes fears and phobias, low self-esteem, depression, poor body image, lack of assertiveness, learned helplessness — problems that females tend to have in our culture.” The problem may compound into what is called victim psychology: The abused child thinks of herself as bad, so bad things are supposed to happen to her. She is helpless to change the situation. The result can be that the woman picks inaccessible, abusive men as boyfriends and husbands. They may even become prostitutes or be self-abusive through alcohol or drugs. Therapist Vickie Sears, who counsels many adult victims, says, “Many victims don’t ever talk about it until they are much older. These women have been holding a secret for a long time — so long that it becomes internalized oppression. No one has let these women be children. I help them get it out, recapture that childhood, and eventually confront the offender.” She may also engage the woman’s partner and children in therapy because of the intensity in dealing with the past. Whatever the treatment may be, the goal is to become a survivor. Sears says, “survivors have recognized that is was not their fault. They reclaim their bodies. It’s all right to be sexual, to realize that sex is not a tool of manipulation. They have control over their lives.” “I wasn’t ashamed for everybody to know because my mom was so good about the situation; she told me it wasn’t my fault. It’s just a thing in the past, but I wish it wouldn’t have happened to me.” Justina How do you prevent incest? Most therapists and authorities feel that education is the answer. Seattle Rape Relief does mass education through the schools and PTA’s. Presentations are put on in the evenings for children and their parents. Parents are given “positive sexual training is real critical for children. We need to teach kids about sexuality and then give them a language to describe what happens to them.” “My mom blames me. She tells me that I’m no good, I’m a slut. My mom calls me these dirty names instead of knowing that it was my dad’s fault.” Patty Closely tied to mass education about incest and sexuality in general is exploding the myth of the molester. The public doesn’t want to believe that a father, an established figure, would do these things because, Bosley explains, “for so many years we’ve been taught that it’s the dirty old man in the black trenchcoat. We need to show people who the offenders are.” Exploding the myths about offenders, defining them, educating children and parents are all essential to preventing incest. But there are also societal concerns that must be addressed. Many agree with MacQuivey that society’s acceptance of violence is part of the problem. “One contributor to the sexual abuse of children, of people in general, is the acceptance of violence in our culture. For example, in the media, when sex and violence are legitimized, glorified, it normalizes that kind of thinking.” The use of women’s bodies as a marketing ploy also ingrains a certain ideology about women. Bosley believes that this type of advertising “trains young men that what a woman is really about is to be an object for a product. That gets translated into ‘She’s there for me to do anything I want!’ The bottom line in preventing sexual abuse is that until we change how men view women in our society some men are going to take out their hostility, frustration and unhappiness on women and children.” What has happened to me and to other victims cannot be changed — we accept it; it happened. But we have changed. Our strength is in knowing that we are not to blame. And we know who is to blame — our fathers, brothers, stepfathers and anyone who confuses sex with power. We have survived. We are free from sexual bondage. We are free to protect ourselves, our children, and to demand a stop to these violations. The challenge we all face is to change the conditions in our society that allow incest to damage so many lives. 105 1st Ave. So. 623-3409 ★ OPEN EVERY EVENING OF THE WEEK ★ U Z RESTAURANT ELEGANT NORTHWEST FRENCH CUISINE How many books does it take to make a change? P ED&BLACV AVB ■o • o ■ K ■ sA* Open Dally IO am to IO pm 524-15th Avenue East Seattle, Washington 96112 322-READ EXQUISITE DESSERTS WITH ESPRESSO LIVE BAROQUE MUSIC FINE WINES BY THE GLASS LES COPAINS RESTAURANT-CATERERS I / 2202 North 45th in Seattle Telephone 633-5753 6 Clinton St. Quarterly
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