Summer 1967—photo Kajira Wyn Berry A 4 * m on g th e w rit er s in m y to w n in th e ea rl y 19 60 s, I w as r ec ko ne d a te nt at iv e su cc es s w ith fu tu re e xp ec ta tio ns .M or e th an 50 o fm y sh or ts to rie sh ad b ee n pu bl is he d in n at io na lm ag az in es . M y be st w er e se rio us , p ub lis he d in P l ay bo y a nd Es qu ir e. O th er sI ’d se nd a ga in a nd a ga in to le ss er an d le ss er p ub lic at io ns , s om e of th em n ot hi ng to ta ke h om e to m ot he r. At le as t I w as s el lin g, a nd le ar ni ng m y cr af to ra rt. I ea rn ed a lm os te no ug h to s ta y al iv e, o n a bo he m ia n le ve l i n Po rtl an d, O re go n, a ci ty e as y to li ve c he ap in . I a lw ay sh ad a ca r, an a pa rt m en t of m y ow n w ith g re en er y th ro ug h th e w in do w s an d fo od o n th e ta bl e. I co lle ct ed h un dr ed s of re je ct io n sli ps , b ut fo rs ev er al y ea rs so ld m or e th an h al f t he st or ie s I w ro te . A fte r8 y ea rs I w en t t hr ou gh a d ry spe ll, w he n no s to ry id ea s ca m e to m e. N ev er m in d; a lo ca l n ew sp ap er ’s w ee kly m ag azi ne w ou ld p rin t'm y no nfic tio n. F or h a l fa ye ar Ip ub lis he d th er e a l m os te ve ry w ee k: w itt y es sa ys , po lit ic a l s at ire , pe rs on a l iti es a nd s lic es o f l oc a l li fe .T he picture sh ow ed m y be ar de d 35 -y ea r-o ld f ac e. Th e pr es id en to f t he S w ee tH om e R ot ar y c l ub w ro te “ In ev er th ou gh t I ’d fi nd m ys e lf ag re e i ng w ith a b ea rd ed b ea tn ik li ke y ou , bu ty ou r l as ta rt ic le . . . . ” A lit tle old la dy st op pe d m e on th e st re et to te ll m e ho w m uc h sh e ha d en jo ye d a re ce nt pie ce . Th en , at a n ed ito ria l co nf er en ce i n Ju ne 1 96 6, t he p ub lis he r sa id, “H m - m m m ,S oan dso a ga in .” Th e se n i or e d i to rs a na ly ze d w ha t t ha t ha d m ea nt for a w ee k, t he n de c i de d m y ar tic le s w er e no lo ng er w e l co m e in t he p ub lic a tion . S om eo ne la te rs ug ge st ed th at th ey w er e af ra id I w as g et tin g to o m uc h of a r ea der sh ip . Th e ed ito r Id ea lt w ith s a i d he ’d pu b l is h m e un de r a ps eu do ny m f or h a lf as m uc h m on ey a nd th at w as th e en d of th at . G od — or fa te by w ha te ve r na m e— had w ith dr aw n its fa vo rs . I stro de out onto m y pe rs on a l d es er t. T 'wo m on ths af ter th e ed itor re ve a l ed th at I w as n ot to b e pu blis he d, m y be au tifu l ,m uc hlo ve d w ife o f 2 1 /z ye ar s le ft m e. She sa w th e sh ap e of th e fu tu re .T he li fest y l e ha d be en fun fo ra fe w y ea rs ,but n ot fo ra lif et ime. W e bo th c rie d a lota nd th en she m ov ed b ac k to San F ra nc is co . M y he ar t gr ew su lle n and m y m in d pe rp le xe d. Lo ok ing ba ck after the da rk ness h ad cl ea re d, I saw t ha t sh e he lp ed k ic k m e th ro ug h a b l ac kho le i n m y pe rs ona l ity , into a rea l ity m or e in te ns e th an p re vi ou s. Bo rn a ga in !O h the ag ony. C linto n St . Q ua rterly — S pring , 1988 7
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