Dr. John: Don’t feel comfortable with that. Okay. Loreli: No, I can tell she doesn’t. Nick: (Resigned) We can go to the Birth Center. . . . Dr. John: All right. Is it a big deal, is i t . . . . Nick: It ’s just exciting to have it at home. Loreli: It’s. . . . We want to have it at home! Sue: I agree! I don’t have any problems with home birth, I love it. I mean I’ve done it before. Loreli: But I don’t want to put you in a position. . . . N ick:, With the cops, you know, raiding us: All right! Put that baby back in there! Loreli: We want Sue to be comfortable. We like her. (7b Sue.) We want you to e n jo y i t to o . Oh- ohhhhmmm. (Sigh) One good thing about contractions is they get over. Dr. John: Okay I’ ll tell you what we’ ll do. I’m going to run back up to the party. Stick around. Check her when she needs to be checked. And then we can go down to the Birth Center as soon as you document the change. Want to do that? Do you feel all right with that? Sue: All right. Dr. John: Okay. And just call me, you know. You can just call me if anything happens in the next two hours. You’ re not here. You were going home as far as I know. This meeting did not happen. IT WAS AS IF KABENGO WAS ALREADY WITH US BUT IN A ROOM WITHIN A ROOM. LORELI WOUND UP AN ANTIQUE MUSIC BOX AND LET IT RESONATE, FOR KABENGO’S BENEFIT, AGAINST HER DISTENDED BELLY: “THE HAPPY WANDERER.” It was a blessing to have Sue Barton, student nurse, with us that evening. Loreli was really getting to be an invalid and was nauseous. She tried eating crackers but just vomited them up again. We listened to Keith Jarrett's Koln Concert. At regular intervals Sue applied the fetal heart monitor. The kid’s heart was fine. It was as if Kabengo was already with us but in a room within a room. Loreli wound up an antique music box that was shaped like a little Swiss chalet and let it resonate, for Kabengo’s benefit, against her d is tended be lly : “ The Happy Wanderer.” I was supportive during the contractions, pushing on Loreli’s back against the pressure the baby was putting on it. I kept a record of the intervals between contractions and wrote down Loreli’s comments: “ That was an easy one. That was a funny one. This is a real one.” Between 7:00 and 8:30 Loreli went through “ transition” —intensely painful contractions that increased her dilation from 4’/2 centimeters to 8V2 centimeters. Loreli wasn’t, couldn’t have been, ready for this new pain. She threw up her apple juice. She couldn’t stand to be touched. She was laying on her side clenching and unclenching her fist. Loreli just wanted to get away from the pain. She tried walking, kneeling, laying on her back, but there was no getting away. “ Breathe,” Sue said. “This is what those breathing exercises were for in the birth class. It’s to distract you.” Dr. John arrived with a change in the weather. Outside there was a breeze picking up and clouds moving in. We put layers of blankets down to protect the mattress. Loreli called for pillows to prop her up to a sitting position. Dr. John was snapping on rubber gloves and unfolding and laying out a sterile field, one of half a dozen stuffed into his bag of medical magic. Dr. John: Okay Sue I called you at whatever time it is now. You got my call and i t ’s ten to nine. Sue: Okay. Dr. John: You can, youjmow, do the whole thing, but I’m going to show you how I do Intacts. If you just kind of listen to my voice I’ l l . . . if I sound kind of bossy that’s just how I get here toward the end. Loreli: That’s okay. We need somebody to tell us. Loreli’s voice was getting ethereal, wispy, with the tremendous exertion of the contraction. It was a relief to push that hard and an exhaustion, her body in a frenzy of absolute arousal while pushing followed immediately by total collapse when re s t in g . Sue coached her breathing: “All the way down to the bottom of your lungs, make your blood bright red. Deep slow breaths.” “ Stroke your nipples. . . . real light, just light,” said Dr. John. Listen to my voice. You won’t rip and you’ ll be good as new in two weeks. Okay. . . . Relax. . . . Sue: That was a good push. Loreli: The harder I push the sooner it comes, right? Okay this next push is going to be colossal. Sue: I call those polar bear pushes. What time is it? Dr. John: Ten minutes to nine. I’m not even here yet. THE FORCES OF NATURE WERE IN FULL CONCERT AND LORELI WAS PUSHING AGAIN. DR. JOHN COACHED SUE AS SHE CAUGHT AND TURNED THE BABY’S HEAD AND I SAW HE WAS HUMAN. Loreli wants to push but she was afraid to push. She would tear, she knew she would tear. “Too healthy,” said Dr. John. “Such a fucking Amazon you are. Your pelvic floor muscles are so healthy and so strong there’s going to be a bit of bleeding.” Dr. John threw away the first set of rubber gloves and snapped on another pair, then generously globbed lubricating jelly onto his fingers. “Tighten your vaginal muscles. Now loosen them. Now feel me s tretch ing , two greasy fingers, okay. .. . You’ve got real strong muscles. You do your Kegels. “Yeah, I’ve done Kegels all my life,” said Loreli, from somewhere far away, out of her mind. In between contractions, the midwives applied the fetal heart monitor. “As long as that baby’s heartbeat is all right we won’t cut,” said Dr. John. “Try squatting. It will open you up a centimeter more. It “YOU CAN FEEL THE BABY’S HEAD. DON’T BE AFRAID. PUSH! PUSH THAT WHOLE FEELING AWAY. IT’S NOT GOING TO GET BETTER SO DON’T LET IT HANG YOU UP. PUSH AGAINST IT!” will bring the baby’s head down into the perineum.” 1 We helped Loreli into position holding onto the brass bedstead. Then she tried standing. Then she tried laying on her left side. Pushing hard she got a cramp in her leg, “ Don’t use your legs, let your legs loose,” said Sue. The contraction ended as outside the balcony windows I saw adull distant flash of lightning and heard slow rumbling thunder. "Do not be afraid to push against a burning feeling or a feeling that you’re gonna split ‘cuz you’re not gonna split.” “ I ’ve started to feel that already.” “ Don't hold back. You can feel the baby’s head. Put your fingers down there in the vagina next time. Don’t be afraid. Don’t be afraid. Push! Push that whole feeling away. It’s not going to get better so don’t let it hang you up. Push against it!” “That’s good.” “You are doing beautiful. Touch your baby! Touch your baby’s head!” Resting. Breathing. The fetal heart monitor again, Kabengo’s heart beating, sounding like a very tiny washing machine on an infinite cycle. “ Many kids will take a dip here but you’ re so healthy. She’s got such incredible tone in her pelvic muscles. There might be a little tear.” “Can’t we cut it?” “ No, we’ ll try it this way. I’d rather sew up a laceration. When you cut you usually cut nerves, you either get hyper-sensitivity or numbness.” Sue spread out another sterile field— to put the baby on. Loreli had another tremendous contraction . The baby crowned again, momentarily, then slipped back as the contraction ended. “ I’m chickening out, I know I am,” said Loreli. Loreli was acting like she was pushing, and she was pushing, but she would not let herself tear. And the wind began to blow. I discretely opened the balcony door. The Amazon woman needed help. Kabengo we are trying to get you out of there. There was suddenly lightning in the near vicinity and Sue laughed, startled. Then more lightning and great claps of thunder right out there on the corner. You could hear the trees bending in the wind. And the rain. It was a delight, a relief, a distraction. Lorefj pushed and pushed and hearing the thunder and feeling the lightning she did not notice that she was crying and she let herself tear. She was ripping apart at the seams—her Amazon muscles just too tight to admit such a thing as the human skull. She pushed and let herself be torn. She tore in three places. There was a baby’s head sticking out between her legs. Loreli was laying on her back, leaning against me to relax. When I saw the baby’s head beginning to emerge I forgot about him facing upside down. So it was from over Loreli’s shoulder that I saw this black, bloody, mushy round thing sticking out. It’s a monster, I was thinking. Dr. John and Sue Barton didn’t say anything about it so I thought perhaps I had better not mention it to Loreli. Things were hap- pening very fast. The forces of nature were in full concert and Loreli was pushing again. Dr. John coachect Sue as she caught and turned the baby’s head and I saw he was human. Kabehgo gasped and cried out, just his head sticking out deep between Loreli’s thighs, his shoulders still inside, like: Get me out of here! The shoulders came easily on the next contraction. Dr. John pulled him out and then there was a little boy on Loreli’s stomach. Sue reassured Loreli, “ You have a fine baby. You’ ll be alright.” The placenta came a few minutes later. Dr. John neatly tied the umbilical cord in two places then handed the surgical scissors to me to cut the cord but I declined the ceremonial honor. I didn’t need that simple symbolism. No one could be more cognizant—I was the author of this child. Writer Bob Sawatzki lives in Salt Lake City. His first story in CSQ was “Sexuality, the Neighbor Lady and the Family.” Artist Louise Williams lives in Lacey, Washington. Her last illustration in CSQ was for “At Play in the Paradise of Bombs.” STOREFRONT PRESS Design Consultation Paste-up Camera work Quality offset printing Women-owned and operated Member, Graphic Communications International Union. 514 E. P ine Seattle, WA 322-3150 SWINGSIDE CAFE "Where life meets art and other obstacles" 4212 Fremont Ave. N. 7-3 Weekdays, 8-3 weekends 633-4057 ACADIA HEALTH CENTER Massage • Reflexology Deep Tissue Manipulation Chinese Ear Cleaning Sauna M-F 10-9 Sat 10-6 5720 Roosevelt Way N.E. 526-8331 6 Clinton St. Quarterly—Spring, 1988
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