shaking. And I knew then I must befriend them. Befriend them. They directed Carol away by sabre point. They demanded she sit down at one of the camps. They directed me by rifle point to the same spot. They brought out bottles of tequila and a joint rolled up in a newspaper the size embarrassed about it. And I was facing my goddamn first sexual experience . . . by weapon-point. I had been intensely frightened of sexual intercourse . . enough able to beat the passion down. It Christ Befriend them. Stay rational. Befriend them. They passed the bottles and the joint I around. I knew I couldn't be stoned I needed clarity. A process. My wits. I pretended lo party, though. I looked in their laces, faintly expressing celebratory gaiety. I tried lo make light conversation. Befriend them. Look happy. Befriend them. They won't kill one ol their friends. But John. Where was John? And thank you, oh thank you tor my darkness. Surely they wouldn't harm their own kind. My mind imagined the newspaper headlines: "College Coeds Raped and Slaughtered in Baja." "Death Comes lo Coeds." And I was wondering what was next. What would it feel like? Where was John? What were they saying? Why hadn’t I taken Spanish my life and has been a problem ever since . wrenching my life into flaming chaos. But I was a virgin. And being from a small, hot. valley town, where the whole concept ol being nilicant. well, I was over anxious about It. I had pretended that I was not a virgin al college ... In the hip Bay Area where I believed every girl had been fully expressing herself sexually since age have Tab? I only drink Tab.” The absurdity.) I took off my clothes, ignoring my body completely. This boy lay on top of me. He couldn't have been more than 16.1couldn't really locus, but he didn’t gross me out. I turned my head awa, was almost tender. He kissed . frozen mouth, lence ... straight, fence .. . wasthe p rifle .. albeit, a ence. He grabbed didn’t hurt. He v instead ol French? How the hell major issues of my life. I was curious. Very curious, i And I was relieved that I would be leaving the world of virginity so ) anonymously. I was glad. And I- ashamed that I was glad. And over-anxious that I was so overanxious. It was embarrassing, but then I believe my mind was being my friend ... finding small plea- I sures ... distractions . . under pleasure. I had to. , tory. There had to spective besides lill-l-dleone. I had t here ... Intricate Ironies suck them out ... make It tai’ .. anything .. I had to another perspective. It knew I'd snap right thing so horrifying . .1 the circumstances. to come. I tried hard to come, had to come. I tried. Hard. But I didn’t. And then it was over. There was total silence. I thought lor certain Carol was dead. II was too quiet. I imagined her bloodied, punctured bod' JOIN WITH US IN MAKING APPLEMAN WILLIAMS Page has developed turday afternoon al KB<X). his vav that *e allowed our in,-hnolo*ieal ■■■■■■■■■a rlcans have Deen ee themselves as and democracy, h recent years, have world eemed to turn against us? In this rkahle article, historian william "an Williams brings us face to lace "ipry and nature of an American 7 existence we have long ™ M M ■■■■■■ BQ B f "lory and nature of an American Shaking * n<> * *** 9 H^l^'flrsMape^amp My con* dulled. Everythin- OB ■ ■ £ | B Sf JflM* ^B fl* ^B flfl fl* ^Hflfl existence we W W M a jSTlsfl acknowledge. * SiW ®IL rU D L lvn lN vi < PIRE | W,..-. Us gg iSBEb * JBTU ^SKt1' JOB . ^eAaiuor-? .Mental* K K A ^H B sR^^B W AB W ^iMPro chans? &ear of the darh? & hate men,? dlea^ them? Qhesire oen^eance! Was 17raldled earth, scan tissue,? Q)ul, 7 hate, seco? <StaHenf 17 ' stretching the sounds Into IrlgH lul monsters. they drove around ' hour ... throwl>* uphols' bleeding from needed sor^| mind came back turn. I began to justify I captors T W f l their life Is rmfl ugly, and we are tn cans with can' panelled vHISTORY! ROM rHE beginning ERE IT IS—THE NEWSPAPER THAT YOU HAVE ■■■■■■■■■I ■■■■■■■■■I a4f OWN KITCHEN TABLE small, efone quick IF YOU DON’T ALREADY READ THE CLINTON STREET be a'poMlblllty in reality. But then WHAT IS THE CLINTON STREET QUARTERLY?? ★ art ★ humor ★ fiction + features ★ political analysis local musicians and clubs. capable of switching from his gritty Reggae" with Pablo Innis on KBOO isdefinitely a black music CSQ editors and readers agree that it is time to expand. Our goal for orientation with an RAB-influcnccd message. In fuel. I like reggae the Washington Project is to increase our Washington circulation from Bui ils most powerful element is the room inside the music, room for the naturally, weavingin and oul. similar Soul To learn more about CSQ and our WASHINGTON PROJECT back. Then I gel people calling. ' And Hobby Bland and B B King. Marlena Join us* on Tuesday, October 15th “holograph by Lynn Darroch Clinton St. Quarterly 35 from 5 to 8 p.m Donations will be accepted at the door. Radio o!o Innis □□QQ feeling, and individual notes resonate a moment too long before they doesn't hesitate lo go lo them for money when pledges are needed. they would ... such fortloea movement .. bend of the finger ... while people take offense al his presentation: "I don't do the show for whites. I'm glad white people I I I years and had no radio experience prior to Portland, uses the handle thrust. That was clearly the reason for the terror. I hardly even thought about them raping us. KB(X> Commimily Calendar. I sei up ihc first Public Affaire Department"). and isa potem fundraiser for is a partisan, promoting some great rhythmic jazz and blues with the replied. "Because I don't bullshit anybody.” a little heavy and raw. dei lo your car ("This isss...Pablo-I, the man ’shere to slay.. bringing on KBOO"). hold a position against adversity, becoming especially obdurate when FANTASIZED STARTING COUNTLESS TIMES AROUND YOUR front ol the or wnat minm CSQ I WASHINGTON PROJECT sense, hart servedtimelor refusingindueCount me in. Enclosed is my tax deductible donation for: □ □ weight lilting training □ Name Phone Address Zip Please return to Clinton St. Quarterly, 1520 Western Ave., Seattle, WA 98101. Clinton St. Quarterly when we had them, on Topanga Beach. vulslng. H Ing. How was take this ... . , slaughter and detllemen survived, what would I be? Suddenly the van stopped. curiosity, survival plans, headlines ... curiosity. There was total silence. I stared at the remaining captor. He pointed his rille at me and told me to remove my clothes. For a moment . . . an absurd moment .. I was ashamed. I was overweight ... another major Issueol my life . . . and I didn’t want to bare mysell Heve our chances ol survival would greatly increase, but ... well ... and this Is Ihe part that has always been so hard to own ... thia rape was going to be my deflowering, l was a virgin. 1was ther shamed that I could possibly be worrying about such p thing ... what a grotesque display ol my superficiality. (Earlier we had offered them sodas from our ice chest. They came back with four he sun rising over the Ramona mountains was waking me when I first knew of him. At least when I was first conscious of knowing him I was sleeping on my bock on the sun porch. My mother had said it will feel like faint little scratches from inside, very low. near the pubis, and when you realize it's the baby moving, you'll realize that you've been feeling it for several days. You just didn't khow what it was. I coll the being I knew then a ''he'' because I found this out later. At the time, the issue of gender was unimportant. it was the least of considerations, the least of the experience I was having. I certainly didn't have a preference, though I think his father did. It was all too new for me. I felt so passive in that riverine light, in the enormity of the possession, the sense of being totally possessed. Maybe because I was so young, still just o girl in my parent’s house. Was it his legs, his arms, his fingers scratching at me from inside, so low? 4’/.- months along. I lay there in the ray of sun feeling the human being inside me. kicking, hitting, grabbing, pleading, ho'ding. The beginning Daniel Stereotypes has wniien m an angry nano above me photo. Whai is nussmg liom mis picB.1I Chris continues in another colored QUARTERL Y, WE BELIEVE YOU’LL BE EXCITED TO LEARN WE EXIST. Exactly what you’ve been looking for— a truly outstanding magazine that blends In the last 20 years, progressives have been right about so many^ things, from Civil Rights to SE Asia, from feminism to the environment. Yet, historically, we have found ourselves discredited and generally ignored by the media. The Clinton St. Quarterly (CSQ), the Pacific Northwest’s premiere independent publication, was created to reverse that trend. In addition to winning dozens of awards for our visuals and our writing, we’ve provided the perspective missing in the local press on social issues and other crucial issues involving our environment, Central America South Africa and the Northwest’s growing contributions to America’s nuclear dependency. CSQ has tapped into talent—both local and national—that no other Northwest publication has begun to touch. CSQ INVITES YOU TO BECOME A PART OF OUR WASHINGTON PROJECT. 25,000 to 50,000. We’ll bring on a Washington editor and full-time business manager to make the Washington edition of CSQ an even better vehicle for local writing and artistic talent. In order to expand our Washington edition, we need your help. Because we take controversial positions and hew to no party line, we cannot depend on massive financing from the powers that be. We need the support of people like you at the Traver Sutton Gallery 2219 Fourth Avenue, Seattle CSQ editors, contributing writers and artists, and supporters will be there to talk with you about CSQ! ■ ou don’t have to wait until October—you can help right away by sending in the attached coupon with your contribution. Your donation to CSQ/WASHINGTON PROJECT is tax deductible, and includes a subscription to CSQ YES, I WANT TO HELP MORE WASHINGTONIANS ENJOY CSQ! Patron ($250 - includes lifetime subscription for yourself and 2 friends) Sponsor ($100 - includes lifetime subscription) Supporter ($50 - includes 2 year subscription) en s Strong Hands ny Dee hy Hana' Hoyle society is r lives out "experts" and s, placing it back in nds of the people in- : the mothers and their families. This movement has been fostered by many courageous midwives working around the system to return childbirthing to Its origins. I've been fortunate over the years in having as a friend a powerful woman who has been a leader in this movement. Recently we had an opunity to sit by a creek and uss her lifework. ihn is the hardest work they II ever do. so ton well, for it s total surrender to a ural process 5® ^
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