MID LIFE CRISIS BRINGS GRISLY END Wildlife Preserves Herb Woodlee had everything going for him — a lovely family, a fine home. After years of tinkering in the garage, his patented design for a mechanical elephant had just been licensed by General Motors, who planned to introduce the pachyderm in the fall to replace their faltering Oldsmobile line. So the entire neighborhood was shocked when, one Sunday morning in July, the police arrived at the Woodlee home and took him away. The charge: pounding 300 nails into the right front tire of a neighbor’s pickup truck. But by week’s end, when the police had finished their investigation, what might at Woodlee in the act first have seemed like an ill- advised prank revealed itself as just the tip of an iceberg. When the case finally came to court, police presented photographs, many of them taken by Mr. Woodlee himself, implicating the mild- mannered family man in a series of bizarre crimes. Erotic activity involving robots, the intentional and malicious crushing of his son’s eyeglasses, rowboat bondage, and more. But if the case seemed strange enough during the trial, it took an even more bizarre twist the following week when Woodlee escaped from the Ohio State Men’s Correctional Facility by climbing down an oversized clothes-drying rack and flying off in a customized automobile registered to his neighbor, Dagwood Bumstead. Thinking that Woodlee might return to his home, police arranged an elaborate trap involving a duplicate of his house and plasterboard mockups of his Uncle Bob and Cousin Larry, whom he had not seen for some 20 years. Nevertheless, by month’s end, Woodlee was still missing without a trace. Police were baffled until late August, when Woodlee was spotted skiing with a companion in Sun Valley, Idaho, and later identified as the man who entered a Wisconsin hobby shop and wood- burned the name of a nationally known soul singer into a piece of plywood. The story of Herb Woodlee came to an unfortunate and grisly end in early September when Woodlee was found frozen to death along U.S. Highway 30 in a Woodlee’s patented pachyderm. It could have been his ticket to success. Try these other natural flavors! Moose Jam • Groundhog- Squirrel Chutney • And our Delicious Coyote Gelatin Desserts • Send $3 for your free booklet. Eat Like a Pig You’ll be glad you did. Investigators had a plan. unction who attempts Escape. A sad end on Highway 30. IEAOING GLASS carefully quickly teenage actress Sandra Dee, was immediately subdued by Miam; oolice and booked in A family’s lonely vigil. Night a ftl night waiting for Herb to reappeal homemade rabbit costume. According to a letter received shortly thereafter by his family, Woodlee had apparently been hitchhiking home to face an uncertain legal and personal future. ■ Mischief in a Wiscon sin hobby store. an used r all, ■"ity Jail under '■ and a woo former KNIFE-WIELDING POPI LUNGES AT CROWD M^pSht i f f , reported™ oppressed over unsuccessful in a tour , ive ruipRW** S^aFreto Dr. Malone, jjUUlWulty in achieving orgasm is the most frequent complaint of female patients. Dr. Malone suggests that women are hesitant to pursue their own satisfaction during lovemaking because of culturally programmed inhibitions and a perceived obligation to tend to the needs of their mates first. “The desire to see to one’s husband’s satisfaction is, of course, important,” says Dr. Malone, “but too many women, struggling during lovemaking to achieve orgasm, become overcome with guilt and begin experiencing a strong desire to get up and press their husband’s suits or fry up some chicken. “In the long run this Continued on next page. FLORIDA — Pope John Paul, on the last leg of a 12-country tour, surprised the world today when, as his caravan rounded a corner near Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum, he unexpectedly threw off hi^MM hat and vestm^j^ ? into S3X PROBLEMS (Cont ) firemen are usually busy, polishing floors, washing pump trucks and the like, but early in the week they often Ihave time free, so that may ke your best ti ne too. » ,W ---- The incriminating photos. How could there be any doubt? . EAT LARD AND LOSE WEIGHT With the There are a lot of 'fad” diets go- WAYNESVILLEing around these days Lord knows you don't need another "expert" making extravagant claims for one more miracle diet plan. And yet, when was the last time you tried a diet that guarantees that you can fill your body to the brim with unprocessed animil lard day in and day out while ac ually losing weight? That’s right! Want to spend a weeken 1in front of the Philco eating Rtddy Whip? No problem! Because with PLAN the Waynesville Plan, each spoonful you take actually reduces your carbohydrate intake Through a patented process scientists call Reverse Causality you can gorge yourself to a slimmer, trimmer you! THE WAYNESVILLE, MISSOURI ZERO PROTEIN PLAN Clin ton St. Quarterly 41
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